6) Uncomfortable Working Conditions . I think it’s important to realize that while *we* are all seeing one thing from your letter, he is clearly living a different experience. Agreed. Is there another role Jim can fill to put his knowledge from years of manufacturing to use supporting younger workers in the role he once thrived (or at least survived) in? There’s being unhappy at work, feeling cheated, etc. Yeah, I think he’s mad to discover the white collar job isn’t the cushy do-nothing role he dreamed of. But making up vacation days, by taking sick days whenever Bob returns from a vacation is obvious to you so it’s probably obvious to his bosses so he’s not getting away with it either. If the company figures out he is falsifying time cards, he will be fired. His dad had spoken so often and so long about white collar jobs, the ex decided to pursue a career that would require a Masters degree at the very least. The ‘chip on the shoulder’ us vs them mentality common in blue color settings (and often reflecting the very real lack of power and autonomy a worker has in those settings) is in fact a real barrier to success in positions that require initiative and autonomy. Then he sees, in his perception, Bob slacking off all the time and facing no consequences. If he is on this train of stupidity and dug in as he seems to be you can’t convince him to get off it any more then you can convince someone to quit smoking before they are ready to quit. Husband may not even be able to do the better work if it requires certification. Then you can ask if he wants suggestions or wants to vent, but this effects both of them. I have a lot of empathy for struggling with chronic pain and chronic illness. I told him that if he doesn’t want to do anything about it, I don’t want to hear about it, and he should look for a new job. I really feel for her being put in the position of having to nag and mother a grown man — it is no win for her. First he needs to stop with the timesheet lying. I think she means that he’s acting as though it’s for doctor’s visits or recovery from medical procedures but it’s not. OP: your family’s well-being is at stake if you can’t/he won’t get to the source of this. I was supportive through that change, and pushed him to remember, when he was hemming and hawing about taking a new position, how unhappy he currently was. But if Jim was asking, I’d tell him to consider going back to to the work that went well for many years. If he’s not being treated I’d assume he’d be sick more often. OP – I’m sorry you’re going through this, it must be frustrating to watch from the sidelines. I also understand and recognize that it is possible to pull those skewed beliefs out for examination, and to demolish them if they represent a barrier to success. He should take pride in his own work and ethic and background being punctual and by the book (not sure if that’s the right way to phrase it but maybe stress that his current job really isn’t so different than his manufacturing job; maybe he’d be willing to write down his own rulebook for himself and make sure it’s in line with his company’s work rubric) You don’t have to agree, just acknowledge his feelings. Yes! Yesterday I worked 7-4:30 because of a training that ran a little long, and my boss will actually let me knock off an hour early today to make up for it if I want to, but my time card will still say 8-4:30 for both days because that’s my org’s default for salaried folks. The following are the main reasons for delays in construction projects. It makes a huge difference if a problem employee can identify the source of their issues and explain how they plan to address them. Though in our case the claim was we had to be accurate about the time within those 8 as a percentage, so we’d know how to allocate in our internal budget. And thank you for taking the time to read and reply through the comments! I agree it is probably time to consider another job for him, something he can do with his current abilities that fits him better, while also focusing on improving his mental health. It’s not optional. Maybe he was one of the “top dogs” at his old job, and resents the change. Falsifying your time sheets to cover showing up late is fraud and that alone could get you fired. He thinks he can push his way into getting what he thinks his coworker is getting. Hopefully I’ll have a good update sometime soon. I think the solution is for Jim to go back to job where his bosses watch him closely and don’t give him a lot of freedom. Planning is one of those aspects that affect the outcome of so many different things in life. Another possibility is that some other factor, like his health, is having an impact on his ability to remain focused and productive. I think Jim could mention Bob’s late arrivals ONCE to management, but he really has no way to know what agreements or accommodations may have been made with Bob. Does he want to look for another job? Many families are under serious stress as a result of the coronavirus. Their managers work in a different building entirely and most of their communications are over email/phone. The Llama Technicians all did the same job duties and got the same benefits. And if he thinks that Bob is slacking, why does he want to follow the example of a bad employee? LW, you can’t, and shouldn’t be, your husband’s career coach or therapist. This must be hard on you, too. It’s important to consider how the type and scope of his work has changed. It’s nice but was a bit off initially and kind of annoyed me. Glad things are looking up. If your husband feels that he has to pick up for Bob’s slack, that’s a different discussion that he could bring up to his manager as long as there’s a real issue on your husband’s workload being too heavy and not just the perception of working harder. It was a response to another comment so it doesn’t sound great on its own. 5. Most of our students are from countries such as the US, the UK, Australia, Canada, Italy, New Zealand, … It was… not pleasant. I wonder if this is part of what he’s struggling with. While the medical issues he’s experiencing are genuine, he is not pursuing medical treatment aggressively enough to warrant this amount of time off. Has he always been the kind of person who doesn’t take responsibility for his own stuff, or is this new with the job? I want you to succeed and be happy there. He needs to stop worrying so much about Bob and worry about himself. It’s impossible to be one’s best professional self when your container isn’t at its best :). He can’t continue as he has been and change is imperative. BUT when I am at work, she calls and lets me know where she is (dropping kids off) and when she will be in (45 minutes from now) and she asks how my morning is going so far (anything special I need to know right now?). The health insurance company wanted to know that each employee was actually putting in FT hours to get the health insurance benefit. It would be nice if he’d get his s*** together and at least try to make a graceful exit, if he can’t get his head on straight and actually do this job, but that’s not guaranteed and there’s not a lot that you personally can do to help it. Good luck, glad he’s feeling a little better! In terms of the OP’s question, if this was an employee I was managing, I would probably have a discussion about whether the employee felt like the job was a good fit for them or not. He’s someone who has worked in a prior job for years and might want some props for that. That was my first thought when I read that because that’s exactly how my spouse is. Not Bob, not the managers, and not husband, himself. A year ago the straw broke the camel’s back with my husband’s alcoholism. Probably the best way to approach all this is to bump him out of his brooding and talking instead about how to move forward. In your shoes, I’d be more than a bit miffed that he took away money of your household that you probably were counting upon (not doing the courses on time and thus needing to pay for it with his/your own money instead of getting reimbursed) and I’d like to have some really good explanation for this from a domestic partner. The missing pieces that she didn’t have: They all gravitate to this from many years in a hospital setting where they are used to time and a half, double time and getting paid for every second. I’m specifically talking about this job, and didn’t even come close to saying that blue collar jobs never reward those things. My husband had a difficult time adjusting to the differing expectations between himself and Bob. You are not alone, but I think this there’s a chance this is 100% about his health and Bob is a nice way to deflect from addressing his health. You can have a difficult conversation lovingly and with respect, but you’re not a friend he can brush off. I was getting furious because I knew that he hadn’t even gotten through his 90 day probation and he was going to be fired (he didn’t even last the 90 day probation). By aping him, Jim may just be becoming Terrible Teapot Manager #2. You have the right to accept or reject settlement offers – in full or in part – via written notice. It sounds as if any instance where he has to be self-directed or show self-motivated in regards to workload, time, skills building — he does not want to do those things. He may not be cut out for a job where he has to be autonomous, he may just be better suited to taking direction and working a job/area that has clear boundaries, rules and supervised work. With you and any existing children? my partner has gout and KNOWS that it gets set off when he drinks alcohol, I’m pretty annoyed when he’s out of commission for days because he decided to have a glass of wine, despite the fact that I know the pain is real and excruciating)… or the treatment might make it more painful before it gets better, like maybe some kinds of physical therapy? And the test takes place each day. What does he need to do so that his best will shine? Plan like he’s already been fired and will be job hunting for a long time, because his reference from this job is going to suuuuuuuck. They are telling you what *you* need to be doing and honestly be thankful they are telling you and not just letting you go.”, I was in a slightly different situation with my partner where he would get really worked up about things that are no-big-deal and common-place in office jobs (he had previously mostly worked service jobs). The whole “white collar” types have an easier time hiding their worst behaviors in public and smaller groups. I think during that time it would be good for him (with some help from you) to figure out what he wants out of his work and what are the barriers to getting it. Print complete bill of material information. But before it happened, it brought the situation down from “panic!” to “bad, but not world-ending”. He was still socialized for retail, not a professional office. It may be worth moving back to the line. Good luck. It’s the difference in how “capital” works, as well as what earned autonomy looks like that plays a huge role in the difference between a lot of white collar environments and the types of blue collar environments that OP’s husband is used to. The fact that he never pursued the certifications is a huge red flag for me. But I too am worried about that marriage: a man who blames everyone but himself for his own failures, takes unnecessary sick days because he doesn’t take care of himself and thinks he’s entitled to falsify his time card/sheet/record (which can get him instantly fired in many, many workplaces) does NOT sound like the model of mature manhood to me. She often referenced the Mayo clinic when telling me about all this. Like the ‘you need to stop doing X or we’ll lose the mortgage’ or ‘if you keep doing Y I’ll have to rethink this marriage’ levels: I.e. I think this is really key. He landed in a job where he’s massively overqualified but paid well and left alone. Slow response to work requests, untimely Worse, he seems oddly fixated on Bob and what Bob is doing as a way of justifying his own poor performance. (A lot of that is the nature of our work. Being forced to have non-stop movement for 8 consecutive hours can make other people seem Privileged. Or, maybe being honest about any accommodations that can enable you to actually do the job duties! You should stop trying to manage this for your spouse and assume that he will deal with it. It’s hard to imagine he slacks at work but is fully invested and doing his fair share at home. It is different working in both environments and there is a mindshift you have to adjust to. Good luck. Sometimes people only learn by hitting rock bottom, and often it has to be repeated several or even many times before they will admit their errors. I think from the letter Bob is also lying on his time sheet? There’s so many clients and providers that many administrative aspects fall through the cracks as well as lack of communication between departments. I still struggle sometimes. If he’s not receptive to firm feedback from you on how this is affecting not just his life and your life, but your married life together, I’d highly recommend considering couples’ counseling if you can; a good counselor/therapist can really make a difference. Project Scheduling with Primavera P6 Training Manual. Oh, it got worse. Some people decided to start at 8 and leave at 6. You can loop him into this in a non-coercive way. ), I’m curious how his wife knows all this info about his work? ”. 3 Full PDFs related to this paper. Therefore all the project plans, schedule, cost, and quantity estimation, procurement and quality mechanism are usually calculated from the initial project scope. In a vacuum you’d assume he’d get better at the job, or at least better at covering up his deficiencies. I watched a very valued long term admin nearly get fired over this and she was doing some time shifting for her staff — they were not cheating in the sense of not doing the time, but she was reporting comp time as if the person worked the normal hours. If I were in your shoes, I’d talk to Jim focusing on your marriage, family, and home, and what happens if this job just doesn’t work out. He has since moved on to a different industry and is doing much better taking to heart the lessons of his first attempt at a differebt position. Absenteeism, timesheet fudging and staying up to date on certifications are, if anything, *more* of an issue in the trades than in many office jobs! I’d encourage him to start looking for a new job. And frankly, people who are rigid in the, “I learned the One Right Way, and they’re doing it wrong” way? Yeah, I literally said WOOF aloud when she got to the list of why Jim thinks none of this is his fault (health issue, there was no work mommy to remind him to do the course, etc). It’s a big change to his lifestyle, and it can often be accompanied by anger and grief. He has to decide that he wants to change and do better. The people who were staying in the office until 8 saw the early starters leaving before them and complained. The moment you get into a job (including some other blue-collar jobs) where the level of structure and lack of autonomy is scaled back a bit…that’s when you start seeing issues. My best to you. and if you produce results you are generally “left alone.” Office environments don’t always work that way. my employee told me “I prefer not to” when I tried to give him a new project, boss gives hand-me-down clothes to staff, employee wants help cutting the vaccination line, and more. I work in a white-collar field where falsifying timesheets is an immediate perp-walk-to-the-door firing offense; if your husband is caught he’s out, no matter what Bob is doing. He doesn’t want to listen to why that is and is setting himself up to be fired (I’m shocked it hasn’t happened already with the falsifying timesheets). Nothing I said or did changed it; on the rare occasion I managed to goose him into doing something, I became the cartoon “nagging wife” villain and there was no other change on his part. I would point out that he seems miserable and ask him what would need to change for him to be happy. If this sounds like it might apply to your situation, you might try having a ‘magic wand’ conversation with your husband. I once dealt with a young person who routinely came in late and left early, and when it was pointed out as a problem, she pointed at a senior person (Fergus) who (she perceived) came in late and left early. We try to make sure all writers working for us are professionals, so when you purchase custom-written papers, they are of high quality and non-plagiarized. There are no ideal solutions, but there are solutions out there. Fair point about the certification classes- but then again, we don’t know if he was eligible to take them immediately upon hire. What does it mean that the medical issues are genuine but he’s “not pursuing medical treatment aggressively enough to warrant this amount of time off”? He is a rookie in this job- no question about it. I would view this as an emergency at this point, and start preparing financially. He doesn’t like the tasks assigned to him and he doesn’t have the self-motivation to remember to take care of things without a reminder. Everyone with the same amount of seniority was treated the same , and when vacation time and pay maxed out after X years, then everyone with more than X years was treated the same. If he’s this unhappy and unmotivated, I don’t think anything could save this job for him. He doesn’t have to agree that what’s happening in this workplace is “fair” but he has to accept that this is the workplace he’s in and he has to decide what he’s going to do about it. A possibly helpful post at Captain Awkward, not directly applicable but might have some good strategies/scripts: Definitely have a serious talk with your husband about the falsification of time sheets and his appalling performance review as well as the serious impact of him losing his job on your family. I notice that Jim’s sick days tend to coincide with Bob’s vacations (i.e. It is thus vital to create an honest team with project success interest inside to attain this. The part where OP describes his former job as regimented and the new one as more “self-directed” raised this very red flag for me, too. Otherwise management may not take it seriously. But for all he knows, Bob has been reprimanded for his lateness or has special arrangements for different hours. I hope Jim is open to the idea of seeking out third party assistance. I still sometimes struggle after transitioning more than six years ago. I haven’t myself worked a blue-collar job, though most of my family’s older generation did, and I suppose this might vary by country/field etc.. So far it is working. a problem of self-image/chip on his shoulder vs being wholly ignorant to the culture. Good luck! Within a year he was in therapy and he went back to his other job because his mental health took such a nose dive. If Bob is fudging time, he will get found out. His poor work behavior still has to be fixed (hopefully before he’s fired), of course- but the solution might be in finding a way for him to re-frame how he sees himself and what his job is. I should also mention that my husband started out in blue collar work, which he did part time while he was getting his degree. Perhaps more so than he already is. Agreed. Looking around at other places made me realize I have good benefits, flexibility, and decent work. “Blue collar” workers have less autonomy, can be punished for taking initiative or chatting with a college or going to the bathroom outside of a scheduled break. (Note: I’m not diagnosing anyone with any kind of mental stuff here, but when I’ve been sunk into a real morass of ‘nothing matters’ and performing badly due to my severe depression it’s been my husband saying ‘I don’t want to hear your complaints anymore if you’re not going to do anything about it’ that gave me a big incentive to really try and act better), (Holy Cthulhu I did not intend to write that much! This man won’t change, and there’s no magic sentence that will suddenly tear down years of, frankly, entitled delusion. So if I worked 2.5 hours on one thing and 7.5 on another, it should be 2 and 6 on the time sheet. For all your husband knows, Bob will be right behind him. Tell him that if he gets fired because of his poor attitude and lateness/absenteeism, the family budget is cut and the things he likes won’t be available anymore (fancy meals, covid-safe vacations, hobbies that require money…). So he may have thought he could get more flexibility than the job really allows. Could he be depressed? Also be prepared that the company may pursue legal action to recoup the money they paid him for the falsified hours. I hope that he can be receptive to your suggestions to think about these things and maybe see a counselor or career counselor to help him work through the problem. I think this might be the biggest issue. And that impacts you since it sounds like you share income. Apologies all for the essay!). I sometimes mean it in a mystical/magickal way, but just as often in a psychological way. 1st, for all of the roasting of Jim, Bob sounds like no prize as well.
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